So, during the past few months I have found out many things about myself.  I am very good with my kids, very good at juggling responsibilities, but horrible at keeping up with blogs and passing bar exams.  I'm also horrible at getting interviews and finding employment, but that could be more a geographical problem than a me problem.  So I found out that I did not pass the February Bar exam (upsetting to say the least), but I did learn more and retained more information for this try than I have in the past.  I was going to try again in July with all the freshly graduated law students, but we will be traveling back and forth from VA to GA for a personal issue this summer, so I won't have the time to study.  I am signed up for February 2014 WV bar exam, so hopefully that is a luckier year for me than 2013 has been so far. 

I am still diligently trying to get employed.  So far I haven't gotten even an interview to any of the jobs I have applied to, but I'm hoping with persistence the right opportunity will open up. In the meantime I am working on reading for pleasure a little bit, and working on getting as much legal information into my head as possible.  I have also gotten to catch up on my Vampire Diaries and watch my wonderful Game of Thrones :) I have even become a fresh addict to Downton Abbey (for anyone who hasn't seen it, it is a fabulous show) and have rekindled my love for PBS.  

For now I am trying to run after the kiddos with all of our spring/summer activities, lick my wounds from not being good enough (again), and enjoy becoming a member of the dirty thirties in two weeks when my 30th birthday comes :) At least this year we are going to Disney two weeks after my birthday, and as a Disney addict, I am super excited for this trip! It's the second trip for me, my husband, and Riley, but the first trip for our two youngest.  We are so excited to see their eyes light up when we go into the Magic Kingdom for the first time! Until then, I will get through the last weeks of school work, baseball, gymnastics, and errand running until we are able to leave to go see a mouse :)

It's been awhile....

So in my regular fashion, it has been months since my last blog post.  It's not like anyone is reading this anyway, so it doesn't really matter if it takes me forever to finally slap something down and call it a post.  Since my last post I swore off facebook so I could spend more time studying for the bar.  That was successful (and surprisingly enjoyable) and I was able to catch up to be fully prepared for the bar.  For once I really knew the information, really understood it, and I am really happy with the effort I made when I took the bar.  My essays were much improved (for me), but I have no idea if they were good enough to pass.  I'm really hoping they were, but I have kept studying just in case I do fail and have started studying to retake the MPRE in April, and I do not feel as confident today as I did walking out of the testing center.  Such is life, I'm really hoping for a pass next to my number when I look at the results in April or May, but I have started preparing myself to see a fail (since that is the only result I have had with this delightful test so far).  

On a happier note, I did get to hang out and catch up on old times with two great friends from law school, so this five month endeavor wasn't all for not.  We had a great time eating and reminiscing, so even if I do fail I at least got to enjoy myself (and it gives me an excuse to go back to WV to do it again in July).  It would be nice to be able to reach a personal goal of finally passing a bar exam, finally feeling like I am capable and that my life from 2005-2008 wasn't a complete waste of time and money.  The only things that have come out of it so far are great friends and of course my wonderful family, which many people act like I am a whiny pain in the tush for being unhappy with that.  And it's not like I'm unhappy, I am a very goal oriented person who goes after what I want with fervor and I get very frustrated when I do everything that I am supposed to (and go above and beyond what I should) and I still get no results.  Hopefully this chapter of my life will be over and I will be able to be a licensed attorney in WV (even though we don't live there).  Maybe this will help me win back some of the self esteem I have lost over the last few years.

So that is my little update for now, hopefully I will make another blog post soon (or sometime before three months from now).  

Happy New Year!

So it's January 1, 2013, and I'm excited for the possibilities this year will bring.  I'm NOT looking forward to the pending doom known as the WV bar exam, but I am hopeful that this is my time to finally pass.  I'm a huge believer that things happen in your life for a specific reason, and even though I do not know exactly why, my past failed bar attempts were meant to happen.  Even though I would have loved working the last almost five years, by staying home with my kids during the youngest part of their lives has given me an incredible bond with them, that I wouldn't trade for the world.  But, in being completely honest, I miss working, they are kind of tired of me, and all of us want to move onto new things.  Andre loves his preschool and is devastated when I pick him up each day, Brynn wants to go to preschool, but can't because we can't afford two in preschool on just my husband's salary.  All of the kids would like to be involved in more activities, but right now we can't do that either because of money issues, so hopefully once the bar occurs I will be able to find a job right away and then everyone will be a lot happier for it.  Right now studying is going alright, I am not as far in the outlining program as I wanted to be at this point (I was supposed to be done completely by Jan.1), but I only have three subjects left and I am hopeful I can knock two of them out tonight.  Right now I am going to be getting up early every day to do some MBE questions, so I can get that done even though I'm not done outlining yet, and I'm hopeful that my outlining will be complete by the end of this weekend. I have resolved to sleep very little since I cannot get as much studying done during the day as most bar takers, and hoping my sleep deprivation pays off in the end since I am in the last two months of preparations.  I just hope it goes well this time.  I have put myself in a better mindset and am telling myself that there is no other option than passing this time.  Hopefully a little can-do attitude will go a long way and I can get this test knocked out.  I am tired of taking the darn thing and I would love to have something to show for going to school for an obscene amount of time (not to mention to my obscene amount of student loan debt at this time).  So with a new year I have a new found optimism that will carry me through the next two months of hell that I get to put myself through.  Wish me luck!

Trying to make it all work...

So the holidays are upon us and right now I am trying to do about a million things at once.  Schlep the kids to their various appointments, activities, playdates, preschool, lessons, etc., clean the house, decorate and do Christmas cookies, etc. all while still finding time to get my outlines and any amount of studying done.  I feel many times like I am drowning.  Like I am doing everything for everyone else and leaving no time to get my work done so I can finally kick this test in the butt.  I am hoping in the coming weeks I can pull out all the stops and have some progress.  Right now my timeline for getting all of my outlines done, printed out, and bound so I can start hammering home the studying is Dec. 28.  As long as I can get that large portion done by then I will be able to incorporate one essay question during the morning, one set of MBE questions at night, and hopefully an hour or two of actual studying in between during a nap or while the kids are playing at a play date.  Every time I start studying to take the bar I feel like I just will never be able to find the time to get all the knowledge I need into my head to pass.  In my past attempts at Virginia's bar exam, this has been true, and I'm hoping I can break the cycle this time for WV.  I wish sometimes that life had a pause button so I could stop all of the things swirling around me and focus on the task at hand, but hopefully I will be able to tackle my huge "to do" list soon :)

Get your vote on!

Another four years has come and tomorrow we will be asked to run to the polls to pick who will be the next President of the United States. The ever important choice between the guy who seems kind of ok and the guy we hate.  Neither candidate really speaking to all the issues that matter to us, neither candidate actually making us feel like he or his party really gives a damn about John Q. Public, but that is the nature of our political beast at this moment.  Many people will take this as an opportunity to not waste their expensive gas, driving their exhausted-from-political-ads self to a polling site, to then wait in line for God only knows how long to push a couple of buttons on a glorified ipad, choosing the better of two evils. To them I say don't give up.  Don't give up and think that by you not voting its not going to matter.  Don't justify staying away from the polls because you don't like either candidate and don't want either of them to be president.  There are other people on the ballot.

Third party candidates, though ignored (especially due to the blitzrieg of ads, posters, billboards, calls, and merchandise produced for the two main candidates during this particular election season) can still matter.  All third party candidates need is 5% of the popular vote and their party will be eligible for government funding in the next campaign in 2016.  In 2008 everyone was so polarized between Obama and McCain that the third party candidates did not get 5% of the vote, leaving great presidential candidates like Jill Stein (Green Party) and Gary Johnson (Independent Party) with no help in 2012.  If either Stein or Johnson had had federal funding, I feel more people who feel stuck voting for either Obama or Romney, would have had a candidate they actually stand behind.  Both candidates care more about the American people than either front runner for the major political parties, and have been fighting tooth and nail this entire campaign to have people hear their messages and win their votes. Gary Johnson has stated in many of his speeches that voting for a third party candidate is not a wasted vote, and its not.  It could mean that we could start the end of a two party regime holding us hostage to vote for one of two bad choices.  If we want to really change our political system and start having real races in the future, we need our third parties to be able to step up and challenge the two party system that is running down the country at this moment.  The only wasted vote is a vote that was never cast.

In 1992, even though Ross Perot (Independent) did not have the 5% electoral vote to be invited and allowed to speak in a presidential debate.  Clinton and Bush invited him anyway, and allowed him debate.  What are the current Republican and Democrat parties so afraid of that they made sure to not show Jill Stein or Gary Johnson the same courtesy? I think they know that the American people are getting tired of the same song and dance, and are worried that a third party candidate could actually have a shot at winning.  If not winning the presidency, then at least knocking one of the two main players out of the running, and heaven forbid we have that.

So please, if you are still undecided and do not think you could vote for either candidate, don't stay home tomorrow.  Instead give your vote to a third party candidate and let the government see that we need better more parties to choose from and better candidates for our future.

http://www.jillstein.org/

http://www.garyjohnson2012.com/

So I'm not very good at blogging.  I sometimes forget I even have a blog (especially since everyone else also has a blog, with an actual focus) and many times even when I remember, I don't feel like I have anything to write about.  Around my 29th birthday, I decided that instead of moping over the fact that I haven't been very successful in my career these last four years, I would now make two goals that I want to have happen before my next birthday.  That way I could start focusing what I want out of a life a little more, and really go out and get things back on track instead of boo-hooing that they were not what I thought they would be at this point.  So I decided that my two goals before age 30 would be to 1.) pass a bar exam (not necessarily VA's, at this point anywhere will do), and 2.) write a book or short story of some kind. 

 Right now my road to passing a bar exam is on track, I started the process in  July of deciding which state I would like to try, what study materials I would want to use, and how to go about it so I might actually pass one this time.  I decided on the WV exam because our families are from WV and if anyone needs any legal help, I would be able to help them.  While no bar exam is easy, WV is rumored to be much easier than VA, so hopefully that will help.

I talked to a friend from law school who also did not have the best luck with bar exams, and decided to use Ameribar because they have a one on one tutoring program and it was more focused on studying at home.  I signed up in September and have been slowly studying through lectures and outlines, but the process has gone pretty slow up to this point.  Last night I had my first tutoring session, and I now have a better understanding of how I should tackle studying and what I should be focusing on to actually pass the test.  Before my study method was cramming studying into a three month period with two kids in tow, and it just wasn't realistic.  Instead of knowing any subjects really well I was just trying to study all subjects to some extent, because I didn't have a lot of time to devote to studying.  I ended up knowing a few things about every subject, and I had no idea how to react when a curveball question was thrown at me that I didn't completely know the answer to.  Hopefully I will be able to learn the skills I need to pass and at least be an attorney somewhere, even if its not where I live at the moment.  

 Due to the amount of time studying entails, I decided it would be best to not worry about my second goal until after the bar exam is over.  So for now my blog is going to be devoted to my journey to get through my next bar exam attempt.  Hoping for a more positive year and a successful journey :)

Some days are just more challenging than others with kids...

So I'll start off with saying that my three kids are awesome, but some days they are more challenging and perplexing than they are cute and funny.  This was one of those days with my second son, Andre.  A bit of background, Andre has had some behavior problems ever since he was about 13 months old.  At first he would throw little hissy fits when he couldn't make out words, or was trying to show us what he wanted and we didn't understand.  He only said "mama" and "dada" at that point, but it seemed like he was trying to get a few more words out.  By the time he was 18 months, he had stopped saying "mama" and "dada" and had no other words in his vocabulary.  He wasn't really trying to point to what he wanted to "show" us what he needed, instead he would throw full blown tantrums for no reason what-so-ever and would hit/kick/bite other children and adults around him.  It was so bad we didn't go out to eat anymore and had severely restricted how much we would take Andre to play with other kids for fear that he would hurt them.  Our doctor had us get Andre tested for a speech delay, and we found out that at 18 months he had the speech development of a 9-12 month old.  We started with a speech therapist who came to the house, and began seeing progress after about 6 months of therapy, and now we have him with a new speech therapist at the public school system that he sees about once a week.  Compared to where he was, Andre is leaps and bounds above the speech level he started out as.  He is now three, is speaking in small sentences, and even when he doesn't talk he tries to communicate in some way what he wants and needs.  The biggest problem that we still have is that he still will, for no reason, hit/kick/bite other kids if they dare to touch anything he wants to play with (or doesn't want to play with) or if they don't bend to his will right away.  When he is with us and starts this behavior (depending if we are at home or out in public) we will remove him from the situation and either take him home (out in public) or put him in his room until he calms down (at home).  At daycare they do the same thing, and yet we still don't see any results in Andre acting any differently.  I feel at my wits end, because I don't know what else to do, and he won't quit this really mean behavior.  I have tried spanking him a few times when I was horribly frustrated, but I think this makes him think that hitting is ok, and I don't want to confuse him, so I stopped spanking him to try to get the point across.  At preschool we are going to try to start not allowing him to go back to preschool the next visit (he only goes three times a week-they don't have a five day a week program) if he acts up and hurts the other kids in his class. Hopefully we will be able to curb his behavior this way because if not I'm afraid we will have to pull him out of preschool all together.  I'm really hoping he stops behaving like this (with my oldest I never had to worry about this because he always wants to hug/kiss and take care of every kid around him), because if he doesn't I just won't know what else to do.  I just hate days like this because it makes me feel like I'm doing nothing right.  Ugh, hopefully tomorrow will be better....